You are here: Home / Archives for Child

Keeping the Lines of Communication Open With Your Teen

It’s the time that worries every parent- the teenage years of their child. It’s as if a switch turns on right after the child’s thirteenth birthday. These are the years of rolling eyes, random bouts of attitude, and the ever popular door slamming. Any questions are met with a classic “yes” or “no” answer. How do you communicate with your teenager without driving them away more?

  1. The first step is to notice body language and respond in kind. Use constant eye contact when talking to your teen. If you are driving, glance over every now and then to make visual connection and show your child you are listening. By crossing your arms or putting your hands on your hips, this gives the signal of anger and puts the other person on the defensive. Not what you want to do when dealing with a teenager. Also, don’t be afraid to be affectionate with your child, even if it’s just touching them gently on the shoulder in conversation.
  2. Praise your child for their good deeds and tell them why. Positive reinforcement is vital in any relationship but especially for teenagers. The teen years are a time of indecision, self doubt, and a host of other confusing emotions that comes with growing up. To know they are valued at home is a necessary part of their upbringing. Buy them that cricket blackberry they have been wanting for a while. Rewarding them with something they want will encourage them to appreciate you as their parent, and communicate with you more. Encourage them in their endeavors and praise their success.
  3. Set time apart in your day to spend time talking to your teen about what’s going on in their lives. Make sure to ask questions that don’t get you the dreaded “yes” or “no” responses. Perhaps instead of saying, Did you have a good day? ask What did you learn in school today? If the child is being particularly contrary, they may respond with “stuff”. At this point, you may have to find a way to reword your question.

 

 

Filed Under: Families, Relationships, Teen Tagged With: , ,

Teenagers and Discipline

When a child is younger and a quick spanking is needed to get his attention, or to even make the point that he is being punished for improper behavior, these sorts of quick power-affirming measures can be quite effective. Once the child becomes a teenager, however, they no longer are the appropriate method to employ in an effort to effectively discipline your child.

To begin with it is important to understand the difference between discipline and punishment. Punishment is the power to force your power on your child when he acts inappropriately. Discipline, on the other hand, has as its central goal to educate and train your child regarding the consequences that naturally follow their behavior.

 

Two adolescent couples at the 2009 Western Ida...

Image via Wikipedia

Discipline is actually a measure undertaken to reinforce that your child accept the consequences of his behavior that he grows up to be responsible in the world in which he is placed.

Because so many teenagers reach this age attempting to shut out their parents more and more, the parents find themselves resorting to punishment over discipline as it tends to refocus their attention.

At this age teenagers desire more freedom and time to explore their growing social lives. When access to these freedoms is put in jeopardy due to their behavior the teenager is more apt to pay close attention to what you have to say. Therefore when a teenager doesn’t behave according to expectations – for example not completing their homework – then taking away or limiting these freedoms is an excellent way of both gaining their attention and teaching them through discipline how the consequences of their actions are a natural part of life.

Filed Under: Teen Tagged With: , ,

How to Make Moving Fun

The sound is shocking — both in its volume and its pleading. Your children are wailing, trying to defeat the act of moving through sheer vocal power.

They almost succeed.

Relocating is never easy. Parents too often suffer from the stress of both the move and the demands of their children. It’s vital to make the process less daunting, offering hints of fun to appease:

Make Packing A Game

It’s a collection of boxes and plastic totes: your family will soon be defined by containers (which will be driven toward a home secured by property management companies). This process can be dull, with children quickly overwhelmed. It’s imperative therefore to make packing seem like a game. Allow youths to earn rewards for helping; begin a race to see which child ho  can fill the boxes first. This will provide relief from the tedium.

Encourage Decorating Ideas

The concept of moving is one few children understand, summoning fears of bedrooms transforming somehow into dungeons. You must counter these concerns with encouragement: allow your sons and daughters to detail their new decorating styles. Let them chart colors, patterns, themes and more. This will offer considerable comfort.

Compile Personal Information

Friendships are meant to be sustained: this is the truth that children cling to. And it’s one that can shatter when the notion of moving is offered. Soothe the concerns of broken alliances by compiling a list of emails and telephone numbers. This will offer a sense of security, allowing youths to remain in contact with those they must leave behind (and providing the excitement of planned reunions).

Moving can be fun … if you follow these suggestions.

Filed Under: Child Development, General, Teen Tagged With: , ,

Improving Your Relationship with your Teen

A picture of Japanese high school students fro...

Image via Wikipedia

Parents are often told that their children will hate them when they become teenagers. Is it any wonder that this is the time when some parents forget their role in raising adults and instilling morals and critical thinking skills and instead try to be their teenager’s new best friend? Let’s face it: If you’ve done a good job in raising your child to be social and learn to play and work with peers, your teenager doesn’t need another friend. They need a parent who still works to instill discipline and supports them during these formative years.

So how do you work on strengthening that parent-child bond in preparation for the teenage years? First of all, don’t change the way you parent. If you require your children to do chores, continue to prioritize getting those tasks done. Reward good behavior, but remember that bribes can actually have a reverse effect. What’s the difference? Rewards are given after good behavior has occurred and is usually a surprise. Bribes are promises in exchange for good behavior and are expected.

Second of all, recognize that your child is changing and your relationship will probably change, too. Your teenager will probably start to have secrets. This doesn’t mean that it’s time to panic. Attempting to establish a sense of self with secrets is entirely normal. Trust your instincts but let your children have a little privacy.

Lastly, don’t give up. Talking to other parents can help to yield parenting tips that can help you continue to build and improve your relationship with your teen. Chances are, your child will grow out of any typical teenager rebellion phase.

Filed Under: Teen Tagged With: , ,

Methods of Discipline and Their Effects on Children

Discipline is one of the most important parts of being a parent. Good discipline is a harder thing to attain as methods that work for one child may not work for another. Adults tend to discipline their child according to the way they were brought up as a child. The standard in African American families is using violence to bring their child to order. Whether it be a slap on the wrist or bringing out an object to beat the youth, this has been a disciplinary action taken for years. How many siblings are in a family could be a factor. A mother who has five kids may not be able to give individual attention to each child at one time so beating a child is more effective than giving them a time out or talking to them about their wrong action. Yet for some families, smacking the child seems to be effective and the child never doubts their parent loves them. They associate the bad action with a beating so no longer do the action. This is how African Americans and Caribbean cultures have disciplined their children for years.

Psychologists say there are far more constructive methods of disciplining the child. One way to to let the child know the rules beforehand so they know the consequences of their actions. Once the child misbehaves, you explain what they did wrong and why they are being punished. Then they can be punished in different ways. Some parents take away their electronics or toys for a certain amount of time.

Discipline must be tailored to the child’s personality as each one is unique and reacts differently.

Filed Under: Child Development, General Tagged With: , ,

Teenage Waffling

Teenagers are a very strange place in their lives.  Their development is marked by a shift from being a child to being an adult in far more than just the physical sense of things.  In effect, your teen is waffling back and forth between the feeling that their life is controlled by others (whom they have got to manipulate, in order to get what they want), and the feeling that they are in control of their lives (and that they can essentially build whatever they want).  Needless to say, this is one of the most bipolar times in a human being’s life.  The good news is, even though our society allows (and even encourages) people to live in a state of adolescence until roughly their early thirties, you are only really going to have to deal with it on a regular basis until they are about 18 and go off to college.

The problem with teenagers being stuck in a period where they are part child and part adult is that they have a very schizoid method of dealing with life’s problems, and working out their own issues.  At one moment, they are wanting you to stay out of their business.  But in the next moment, they are blaming you (often loudly and venomously) for not being “there” when they need you, as if you are some kind of psychic who can just sense these sorts of things.  Unfortunately, beating them does not help, however much fun that might be.

When it comes right down to it, in time the waffling is going to come to an end.  Of course, by that point your kids will have long since left your home and started their own (and possibly had their own children, as well).  So it really will not be something that you can just celebrate when they finally pass into the adult emotional stage of life (if they ever do).  While a teen is in your home, you might as well prepare yourself for an awful lot of waffling between the extremes.  It is just going to happen anyway.

Filed Under: Relationships Tagged With: ,